Metempsychosis
A sci-fi epic unfolding via various vignettes -exploring life, death, and the movement of souls through time.

Updates Tuesdays (and occasionally Thursdays)

Blogs:

Bereavement Hiatus

ithidunes
Hey yall 💖 I know stuff like this isn't super important in the grand scheme of things, but I'm at a bit of a loss right now at what else I'm supposed to do right now so, defaulting to an update on the sate of my passion project, I guess? um. Updates are probably going to be pretty irregular for a while, overall... But:
  • My current plan stands to finish this current chapter, at some point. Theres about 4 pages left, one of which is halfway done already. I've been somewhat burnt out on this one for a little bit, anyways, so I don't want to force it if it isn't ready to come out yet.
     
  • I also want to rework the dialogue in the first chapter. I've never been super satisfied with it as a character introduction for the Main Human Lady and the next scene is going to be revisiting her, so, I'd like to be going onward from a solid start. I'm going to fight back the urge to mess with the art too much, and not make a habit of retconning stuff / back edits, but there might be an extra page or two added.
     
  • I'm not sure what order this will happen in, edits vs finishing up, or even what the time table for either will be. Whichever it is, I will link back to the edited pages at the start of chapter 6, to avoid any confusion and/or as a general refresher. (I'll probably be doing that for any continuing story, as the work goes on and there is more of that needed).
But yeah.

(Suicide & death discussion ahead, so feel free to skip the rest of this post. It's all purely personal stuff from here)
 

xxx


Basically, my sister killed herself this past week. I'm grateful to have the support of my family and friends, but nothing really compensates for this sort of thing. The two of us were very close, and I know that she struggled with a lot of the same things I’ve struggled with- drinking, self harm, depression, and the wild ups and downs of Borderline Personality Disorder. Paranoia. Psychosis as well- though she saw it more as a beautiful synchronicity at play in the world than as an issue- A view I worried about, but still found painfully beautiful too. We talked on the phone most nights; she was as much part of my support as I was hers, though I will admit she pulled the short stick in many of these shared issues. 
 

I know that oftentimes, when someone is starting to recover from severe depressive episodes, they are at a higher risk of suicide than when they are in the thick of it. Something to do with the higher energy & willpower from recovery allowing someone to act on all the dark thoughts they have been holding onto. Her work/life balance was very strained for a very long time, and bled with personal engagement in increasingly difficult ways. But I truly believe that her improvement contributed to her decision, as I know she had been doing so well recently. Drinking a lot less, drawing more, fighting for herself against those in her life that took advantage.
 

Despite these things that plagued her, she was truly a kind soul. Fierce and devoted to a love for the world at large, especially for the things in life that many found to be disturbing or gross. (Once, her coworkers messily killed a rat that had gotten into their restaurant, and she took it home and gave it a funeral.) Dogs loved her unconditionally, and she made friends with strangers against literally all odds. Odds like, somehow sharing a birthday with the woman she backed into at the gas station, and later going out for ice cream. (This type of situation was a regular occurrence.) Numbers were special to her, and I’m inclined to believe there is a truth to it- seemingly now whenever I think of her, I see the time is 9:59 or 10:01 or 2:22, and I still feel close to her.
 

I really don’t know what I will do without her. 
 

A lot of my inspiration for the ongoing story of Metempsychosis stemmed heavily these types of synchronicities & the fine line between it and mental health issues, and I don’t plan to change that in the wake of her passing. I think she would really enjoy where the story is going, too. So I’m not going to shelve this project in any sense, but..... it’s just going to be extra hard for a while.
 

I am not worried about my own condition worsening from this and hope that my admission of my struggles doesn't concern anyone either, as I will be carrying her light inside of me, loving for her and loving through her. Maybe it’s just the shock of it all speaking, but I feel as though her strength and hope and love is with me, our souls held tight together like a set of binary stars. Besides, I do believe we will meet again, someday... We promised to be frogs together next time, and I will hold her to that promise💖

 

Please make an effort to tell your loved ones what they mean to you, if you can. Love is the most important thing that we have and I know it is what makes the difference.


Comments:

shyangry
23.4.2021, 9:28 PM
shyangry
That's heartbreaking to hear. It's hard to find the words, I just hope you're doing as well as you can be, and that you have support.
ithidunes
23.4.2021, 10:08 PM
ithidunes
Thank you- Words are hard at best of times... I just appreciate the kind thoughts💖
borzoiteeth
24.4.2021, 2:25 PM
borzoiteeth
What a nightmare of events. Please do whatever you need to find yourself some peace.

You will both be beautiful frogs.
ithidunes
24.4.2021, 11:59 PM
ithidunes
It really has been, haha. :’)

But thank you- I think we will be, too💖